Would it make you think I didn't love my twins if I said I really, really, didn't want another pair?
It's odd because I always wanted twins. In fact, when my sister-in-law announced, about four weeks after we told people we were expecting L, that they were having twins, I was jealous. I hoped L would be twins. But then she was L, and to be honest, the thought of two Ls is enough to send anyone to spend a couple of hours in a darkened room...
But then I watched the same sister-in-law, who is a fantastic mother, coping with a toddler and new-born twins. And I thought "I really, really don't want that".
No prizes for guessing what happened.
It never occurred to me I was having twins. Actually that's a lie. It briefly crossed my mind when one of my friends (and admittedly this is a very good friend) spotted that I was pregnant when I was only about eight weeks. I knew I was bigger than I had been with L, but I hadn't realised I was that big. But then you expect to be bigger second time round, don't you? And the thing is, I felt absolutely fine. My poor sister-in-law had to invent a dramatic vomiting bug to throw everyone off the scent (for the record, it didn't), and so I thought that's what happened if you had twins.
So B and I went along for the scan, merrily expecting just the one. The sonographer did her jelly bit, and there was a little bean, curved round like a backwards C shape, swimming in its darkened, liquid world. Four limbs, head, spine. Lovely heartbeat. Hooray.
She wiggled the thingy (technical term) a bit. And there it was again, from the other direction this time, a forwards C shape, still swimming, heart still beating.
B said: "That's another one".
Now, B is not a medical professional. He has no training, or indeed experience, in reading sonographs. In fact when we went for our twenty week scan with L, he said "Look, there are its eyes" and had to be gently informed that the beautiful black eyes were in fact kidneys. Which was good, because you want two of them too, but still wrong.
So is it any wonder that when the sonographer said: "Are there twins in your family?" I thought she was just making polite conversation and launched into a full explanation of how my dad is a twin, and B's brother has twins, and oh yes, we met some other twins on the bus on the way here blah blah blah...
Two and a half years later, I wouldn't change that moment, or my magical babies, for the world. Yes it's been hard work, but when expectant mothers of twins ask me about it, I'm honestly not putting a spin on things when I say that the benefits immeasurably outweigh the extra difficulties.
But the thought of more twins.... well that terrifies me.
So I was pretty nervous when we presented ourselves for the scan last week. I'm not as big as I was, that's definitely true, but I have been feeling infinitely more ill and tired than I did with either of the other two pregnancies. Please, please, no.....
Just the one. Breathe. Heartbeat. Breathe again. My baby.
And here (I realise it's not the greatest of pictures) he/she is:
I'm looking forward to meeting you.
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