Monday, 19 July 2010

Losing it

And now for something completely different.

There was an article in the Observer Magazine yesterday about losing it.

Nope, not your temper and not your car keys...  it.


It's an interview with Kate Monro, whose blog collates people's experiences of this, well, experience, which is, of course, nosily and amazingly fascinating in and of itself (seriously, go read).  But what really struck me, reading the article, and before I'd even looked at the blog, was that Ms Monro "believes sharing your virginity loss story is one of the most exposing things you can do".

Now maybe it's because I've given birth, and as a result told all sorts of total- and near-strangers no end of details about my nethers, or maybe it's because blogging has made me, if anything, too open, or maybe it's just because the event itself (unlike lots of those on her blog) was pretty underwhelming, but I can't get that bothered about that particular story.  I mean, if you want to know, I'll tell you*, simple as that.  There are things I'd be worried about exposing, and that's not one of them.

But does that make me odd?  Certainly, reading the blog and the stories reprinted in the article you can see that there are people for whom this is a life-changing experience, but you could also identify at a glance those  for whom the "first time" was only a chronological necessity.

Now, I'm not going to put up a Linky so that you can all post about your virginity loss (and given that most people who read this blog are mothers, I'm going to assume this is an experience most of us have gone through) because that would be stealing Ms Monro's idea, but what I would be interested to know is this:

If I asked, would you tell me?  Or am I odd in feeling totally unprotective of that story?


* It was on my wedding night, the bed was strewn with roses, there was a nightingale.**


**and if you believed that....

If you are related to me and really don't want to know this sort of detail, look away now...

I was eighteen. I was travelling in Australia.  I'd been one of the last people at my (all girls' boarding) school to be kissed.  That was a big deal so I was pretty determined not to go to university a virgin and be in the same position (tee hee) again.  I met a nice bloke.  I slept with him. It was mildly uncomfortable and distinctly unexciting.  End of.  Or nearly; because he stayed in touch and came to see me at university (six hours journey) about a year later. It was pretty clear what he thought was going to happen, and I didn't want to.  The telling him that was significantly more uncomfortable than the original deed itself.

The ironic thing? I was definitely in the minority as being not a virgin at university.  Hence why I read with disbelief all those surveys that say most people lose it at 16....


  1. Nooo, I wouldn't kiss and tell! Actually there's not a lot to tell, it would be the most boring blog post in the world - sadly. I think childbirth is a much bigger deal. Thanks for sharing though :-) x

  2. If you really wanted to know then I'd tell. It wasn't that exciting. Wouldn't tell on my blog though, my mother AND mother in law read it. Much as it isn't that exciting, it isn't a story for them either! (Quite a few of my blog posts get censored on that basis)

  3. It wouldn't bother me to tell and I would if someone asked, I don't feel as protective of that story as I do about some others. I'm generally an open person but dont give away too many intimate details on my blog, sometimes I'm quite emotionally open but theres certain stories I would never tell on my blog because family read it.

  4. I think you've all hit the nail on the head. I just found it odd that she thought it was such an important story. Now to be fair, I haven't gone into nearly as much graphic detail as her contributors do, mostly because I can't remember - though wouldn't it be odd if I could, that many years later?

    I think it probably all depends on how you feel emotionally about the person in question. I wouldn't recognise him if I fell over him, (although I do know his name, for the avoidance of doubt!), I certainly never loved him, and so it's not a significant event at all.

    Which is presumably why I feel happy (if a little odd) blogging about it... to be honest, I only put the actual story on there because I felt it would weaken my argument rather not to! As I say, feels rather odd, but it's out there now!


    Sandy - don't worry, I won't ask you to! As I've said before, I really admire your decision not to share the other story too.... I think it all depends on how we feel emotionally about these things...

    Pants with Names - don't worry, again, I won't ask! And I'm safe in the knowledge that though my siblings and siblings-in-law read it, I don't really mind them knowing, and my mother and mother-in-law both think the blog is too weird and geeky for words, so won't go near it. Phew!

    Miss Searles - that's exactly it. There are stories I feel protective about and would never share, but that one not. Which is why I found it interesting that she thought it was significant for everyone... Hey ho.

  5. I do tell sometimes. But then it's not so sordid you know. It's the kind of thing I'm happy to exchange with a girlfriend over a glass of white wine.

  6. I'm also not that precious about it - give me a glass of wine or two and I'll probably be persuaded to relive the slightly awkward experience. Having said this, I am a strange mixture of being incredibly reserved, yet a hopeless over-sharer at the same time.
    I suppose it's whatever someone is comfortable with.

  7. As I was a teenager in the 60's there would be no way I would ever tell a soul about my story - if I could remember it even!!

  8. Mwa - That's exactly it. I just didn't think it was the most intimate thing in the world, which she clearly did.

    JulieB - slightly awkward? Sums it up perfectly!

    Diney - my mind boggles!


I know. I'm sorry. I hate these word recognition, are you a robot, guff things too, but having just got rid of a large number of ungrammatical and poorly spelt adverts for all sorts of things I don't want, and especially don't want on my blog, I'm hoping that this will mean that only lovely people, of the actually a person variety, will comment.

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