Dear So and So - the bored now edition.

Dear Baby,

Come out? Please?

Mummy x

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Dear S,

Just because you can climb out of your cot, doesn't mean you should.   And 3 am is never an acceptable time to get up. Ever.

Mummy x

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Dear Baby,

Please come out.

Mummy x

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Dear A,

Yes, ok, you've understood, and you stay in.  Very clever. Well done. Thank you.

Still no excuse for being filthy during the day though.

Although when you look at me like that I can forgive you pretty much anything.  But that works for your sisters too.

Mummy x

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Dear Baby,

Come on!

Mummy x

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Dear L,

I said I'd never say it, but...

Life's not fair. Sorry.

And being told off for something you did wrong has absolutely nothing to do with fairness, equality or the state of the world economy, it's just what happens.  Tough.

Mummy x

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Dear baby,

What do you want?

I've walked, I've bounced, I've drunk endless cups of raspberry leaf tea. I've eaten curry (Indian and Thai).

I've even resorted to leering suggestively at your father.

Is it pineapple? Because I can get pineapple...

Mummy x

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Dear builders,

You're doing a fantastic job. You really are.  I'm so pleased. Just do you think you could do it slightly quicker?  Would be lovely to have somewhere to put this baby... Oh, and a kitchen would be nice too.

Harriet

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Dear medical professionals and random women in the supermarket,

Yes, I know I should be resting. Yes, I know that the baby won't come if I'm not relaxed (actually I think that's nonsense - if I don't relax for 22 months does that make me an elephant), yes, I know I should get lots of early nights, but have you seen what's going on in this house?

My mother is 350 miles away and caring for my father, my mother's help is on holiday, my children are refusing to sleep, the builder needs to know whether I want the lights "here" or "here", and you want me to rest?

Yours grumpily

Kitchen-less woman, ex-pat (sort of) daughter, and mother-of-three and a nearly.

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Dear friends,

I've known only a few of you for more than a year, yet I am overwhelmed with how kind you are being. I have a list of names and numbers, and I know that whoever I ring, at whatever time, will be here like a shot.

Thank you all so much. I am doing everything I can to ensure that this baby arrives at a civilised hour. 

Sadly, that's nothing, but it's the thought that counts.

Harriet x

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Dear self

Shut up. He'll come when he comes.

Bored now.

Me x

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Dear readers,

Sorry if I'm getting slightly tedious on the subject of waiting, but consider it a tiny insight into the inside of my head.

I promise though. No more waiting for the baby posts until he's here.

And head over to Kat's for more postcards.

Harriet

ps Oh, and if you were to fancy voting for me....

Dear So and So - 3rd week in December

Dear boss,

Nothing is actually going to happen if I don't get absolutely everything done by Christmas. You know this, I know this, the clients know this.

When is one of us actually going to come out and say it?

Yours, hassled.

Consultant and all-round dogsbody.

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Dear L

"Torch-er" is not actually the verb we use for "having a torch".

And if that's what you actually want to do to me, whinging is so much more efficient.

Mummy

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Dear B

I've had a word with Father Christmas and he reckons that you'll be happy with a packet of fruit gums and a satsuma.  I told him that'll be fine.  That's ok isn't it?

Loving wife

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Dear Postman

There are things I need at the moment:  Christmas presents (everyone's), Birthday presents (mine). And things I don't need:  twin breast-feeding cushions, printer paper.

Please can you concentrate on delivering the former and leave the latter to languish in a sorting office?  Just for the next week?

Yours, with cushion.

Non-breastfeeding mother

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Dear B (2)

Oh, and it's not just FC who's been rubbish about thinking of presents for you this year.

Loving (but inefficient and unimaginative) wife

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Dear Girls,

I realise you're now two. But could we not go for "terrific" instead?

Mummy

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Dear B (3)

Thank you for making me go out tonight.  You were right and I was wrong. The world feels so much better after three hours away from my children. Oh, and a half of lager.

Yours much more cheerily

Loving (and slightly tiddly) wife

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Dear weather

Just a little warmer? Please?

Yours freezingly

Pathetic Southerner.

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Dear Readers,

Head over to Kat's for more postcards.

love and Happy Christmas,

me x

M minus 6 days - Dear So and So

Dear House,

I love you. Sorry.

Soon-to-be-ex-owner

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Dear Removal men,

You know that sorting out I said I was going to do? 

Sorry.

Harrassed mum of three.

ps and no, I wasn't wasting my time blogging. Blogging is important.

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Dear Neighbours,

The new people are going to have a baby too.  Sorry.

The people formerly known as NextDoor.

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Dear New People,

The particulars might not have mentioned a few things:

Yes, you do have to turn the grill on with a pair of pliers.
And yes, that stuff that looks like dried snot on the wall by L's bed?  Well, that's, erm, dried snot.
And no.  I don't know precisely what that stain is on the carpet.  But I can guess.

Sorry.

Your predecessors.

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Dear Iggle Piggle,

Please come and see us.  You are her best friend.  She doesn't understand yet, but she's really going to miss you.

As am I.  Sorry.

Love Iggle Piggle's Mummy .

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Dear London,

Too much to say in a postcard.

Thank you.

Me

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Dear some Scottish people (you know who you are)

I'm coming to live with you, and there's something you should know:

I'm English. 

It's not my fault, I was born with it. It doesn't make me a horrid person.

So deal with it.

Happy St George's Day,

Englishgirl.

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Dear New House,

We are coming!

Hope you like us.

xxx

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More Dear So and So's here

Dear So and So - the follow up.

Dear (same) bus driver,

I'm sorry.  I know you were trying to be kind.  And I'm glad you learned from yesterday's weeping woman.

I'm very touched that you noticed us, that you remembered us, that you slowed down in the rain and waited for us.  And honestly, I would have got on.  And smiled.  But you see, there was no money on my (new) oyster card.  And I just didn't think you'd believe me. Not second time.

Yours apologetically,

Wet Mummy of Three

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Dear Estate Agent,

I'm delighted you've sold our house. I really am.  But having got us this far without a horrid board, is it really necessary to put one up now?

Yours house-proudly,

Exchanged Woman

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Dear Pushchair Retailer, and Poster of Replacement Parts

I love you! Will you marry me and have my babies? Please?

Yours no-longer-getting-the-busly

Happy Mummy

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Dear Return Key

Honestly! What's going on? I thought you were fixed.  But when I try and write blog posts you don't work.

I like paragraphs. Please may I have some?

Yours irritatedly

Luddite

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Inspired, as before, by Kat, who sends wonderful postcards from her 3 bedroom bungalow in crazytown....

Dear So and So

Dear Estate Agent.

You did it!  Thank you!  I never thought we'd get here.

love Mr and Mrs PB

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Dear House

It's not you. It's us.  We've just grown apart.  We've loved knowing you, but we've signed the papers and this time it really is going to be good bye.

We're sorry.  Have fun without us.  We hope they will love you as much as we have.

xxx

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Dear Pushchair

Nice try but you failed! You're still in warranty!  We can get you fixed.  Eventually.

Yours getting-the-bus-ly

PB

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Dear Bus Driver

No, you're right. It was a scam. 

Because I organised the rain, and the three children, and the borrowed pushchair with no buggy board, and the lost oyster card.  All to get a free ride for three stops.

And it's ok, because I honestly love crying in public.

Thanks for nothing.

Cross of West London

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Dear Girls,

You could have made a rather emotional day much worse.  Mummy on her own, Daddy out boozing, nasty bus drivers, exchanged contracts, broken pushchairs. But you were a delight. Thank you.

And now you're asleep.

I love you all

Mummy xx

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Dear Return Key

What's going on?  Sort yourself out.  Please?

See you at the next post.

Plan B

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With thanks and apologies to the lovely Kat who lives in a Three Bedroom Bungalow in Crazytown for nicking her idea, but I love it and I've been looking for a way to use it for a while now.  I enjoyed writing my postcards!