Friday 1 November 2013

I've started so I'll finish

Here's an astonishing thing. 

It's over four years since I started this blog.  Four years and seventeen days, to be precise.

I realised that last week, about the time I was wondering whether to stop it altogether.

Because it doesn't seem really to be working for me at the moment - I'm not even reading blogs, much less writing them (as an aside, since the demise of google reader how am I supposed to read blogs? I'm leaping from one blog roll recommendation to another at the moment, like some sort of demented frog (reddit, reddit), which isn't very efficient and means I can never remember the goodies....).  Suggestions on a postcard.

So I'm not reading, and hardly anyone's reading me.  Which  may be because I'm not writing.  Or tweeting, or pinteresting or facebooking or pinning up posters on to motorway bridges, or whatever the zeitgeisty thing to do is at the moment.

But I was feeling demoralised, and bored, and a bit meh, really.  So I went back to the beginning.  And remembered that in October 2009 I was blogging so that:

I can work out how I feel and get myself on the track to that elusive Plan B; a nirvana in which I am happy and fulfilled, still manage to bring some income into the house and have time to give my husband and children the attention and love they deserve

Now, clearly I'm not there.  Anyone who's ever seen me stressed and bedraggled, surrounded by wet, hungry children and with only two pairs of socks and five shoes in the swimming pool changing rooms on a Wednesday evening could tell you that "happy and fulfilled" isn't always an accurate description.  But I sort of am there, too. 

When I started this blog my life was in flux - I didn't know what I wanted and I didn't know how I was going to get there when I worked out where it was I wanted to go.  And now I do.  Maybe. At the very least I am, for the moment, sort of where I want to be, even if there is a constant niggle in my head about what happens when M goes to school?.   I am, mostly (touch wood) happy, and I do (mostly) have time for myself and my family, and I am (astonishingly) bringing in an income.

 So maybe I've done it.  Maybe I'm not blogging much because I don't need to.

But then I don't really want to stop.  I don't really want to write much at the moment either, but somehow stopping would seem like an admission of failure, even though I'm not sure I have failed.

Apparently November is NaBoPloMo.  National Blog Posting Month.  Which is, obviously, nearly as silly as Pizza month (October) or Camping month (June) or Talk like a pirate day (September - personally I happen to love that one), but which, silly or no, I'm going to try and get into. 

So for November, every day I'm going to read at least one new blog,  and twice a week (because I'm not going to get over-ambitious) I'm going to post (so this is the first one).  And if at the end of it, I want to stop, I will.

And I won't have failed, I'll have just made a choice.

18 comments:

  1. I'm a bit bored at the moment by it all too. I suspect mine will just die a slow death. But secretly I believe myself to be witty and entertaining and doing good and hidden people somewhere value what I share. Delusion. I do however, consider my online acquaintances to be a sort of friend and I value the odd update to know you are all alive and kicking! A posta day sounds like burn out for me, I can never work out how others manage it. Good luck. I'll be reading x

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    1. I won't vanish, I promise. I worry about those who do, so I wouldn't do that to you - valued friend as you are!

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  2. Where you were is where I am. Except I'm not sure how to get out of it. See all my children (including my three year old) are in school. Funny how we can relate to people so far away.

    Which I guess is why I read blogs.

    And kinda why I started writing one.

    So I was reading yours thinking that this was the end. And thinking - no - don't stop! I love reading your blog - even though you don't post very often your posts are interesting and insightful.

    And even if you do stop writing this blog it's not failure. Because "happy and fulfilled" is never a destination. It's only ever part of the journey. As is "stressed and bedraggled". Having said that, it is hopefully "mostly happy and fulfilled" as opposed to "mostly not". Blogs, can serve to reach a destination but sometimes they're just documenting the journey.

    Glad you're sticking to it... for now anyway :)

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    1. Thank you. Stressed and bedraggled is a good look too, I find.

      But I know what you mean about getting someone, and understanding how they feel, even if you've never met. Odd really. In a lovely way.

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  3. I'm still at it but I do have a theme (sort of) so that makes it more focused for me.

    If you want to transfer your google reader blogs to 'Bloglovin' then it should be quite simple, or it was when Google Reader was still going. Find the BlogLovin website and sign in with your email. Fingers crossed it will do it for you.

    I'm hoping you get your mojo back xx

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    1. Thank you.

      I've gone with feedly - as suggested by my baby bro (at the bottom of the comments) because Iota was critical of bloglovin (ish). Will see how I get on...

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  4. Good to read that you have pretty much got to the place you were looking to get to. I bored with blogging right now too, not sure how it will all pan out.... we'll see. Good luck with your Nov posting schedule. Mich x

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  5. I follow blogs by email nowadays which might be why you appear to have fewer readers - I always read your posts on email but don't often click over to the blog.

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    1. Interesting. I don't follow by email - I have enough unread stuff from companies I once bought something from clogging up my inbox, and blog posts would just make me feel guilty for not reading them.

      Maybe I need a separate blog reading email?

      Hmmmm

      But delighted you're still reading. Thank you!

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    2. and I have added you (and everyone else!) to my new feedly reader...

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  6. Bloglovin works for me, when Google reader died. Don't like it as much, but better than nothing. Annoyingly, you sometimes can't comment if you've arrived at a blog via Bloglovin, so you have to come out of it and go to the blog URL. But mostly it's ok.

    Good luck with all that posting, and perhaps it will push you one way or the other: either relight your fire, or put it out. I don't think you have to stop blogging officially. You can just trail off into the sunset, leaving the blog alone, but knowing you can always go back to it.

    Please don't stop, though.

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    1. You're not getting rid of me, don't you worry....

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  7. I am still to find a reader that I like and miss Goggle reader. I think that blogging can be what you want it to be and never say never and all that

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    1. True - your blog seems to have gone through lots of different incarnations (in a good way) since I first started reading it. Maybe I just need to find my current "voice" (if that isn't way too poncey!)

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  8. I've switched to Feedly - works nicely as an add-on to Firefox. It's not Google Reader but it'll do. I was able to import all my favourite blogs from Google Reader, but that may no longer be possible.

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    1. I've just set it up - though not as an add on to firefox because I don't know what that is or how to do it. Hey ho...

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I know. I'm sorry. I hate these word recognition, are you a robot, guff things too, but having just got rid of a large number of ungrammatical and poorly spelt adverts for all sorts of things I don't want, and especially don't want on my blog, I'm hoping that this will mean that only lovely people, of the actually a person variety, will comment.

So please do. Comments are great...