Friday, 8 January 2010

Separated at 13 months

Big change in the lives of A and S.

They have been separated.

A few weeks ago the nursery asked me what we wanted to do when they turned one and got too grown up for the baby room (pause for a bit of weepy nostalgia at the thought that my babies are too grown up for anything).  They have two 1-2 rooms at our nursery and after (if I'm honest not very) much thought we've decided to split them up.  It's only for two days a week, and we both felt that this was the only way that the carers would ever really internalise them as two separate individuals with different abilities, likes and dislikes.

So, two days in, how was it for them?  Twins do, after all, have a special bond.


...I don't actually think they've noticed.  They were certainly much more delighted to see L and me than they were to see each other.

So much for that special bond.

But I also think, so far, it's going to go well. Certainly the carers have already started picking up on things which S does (loves posing for the camera) and A doesn't.  And that A does (can just about stand up - it's amazing what two days of peer pressure will do) and S doesn't (she tries bless her, but with less success).

And if the point of being a parent, whether of twins or not, is to bring up a well-rounded individual (or in my case three) then surely this is a good first step? 


  1. There are 3 sets of Twins in MaxiMads year and all six of them are in different classes (there are 3 classes) and it seems to work well. The thing is, if it isnt working you can always change things. I try really hard not to call all the twins, the twins!!

  2. I think you are very brave making that decision but also agree that it's probably the right one. At my childrens' school they split twins up too. And there are lots & lots of twins there. My best friend has this problem with her twin girls...trying to compete with friends, comparing their abilities etc...I hope they continue to be happy with it and I'm sure they will.

  3. If it doesn't work, then it will be easy to reunite them. But if it wasn't working for them to be together, then it would be much harder to separate them.

    I once saw a programme (one of the Robert Winston ones tracking babies born in 2000) in which a mother had twin boys who were wild and out of control. By following advice and putting them in separate nursery rooms for just two sessions a week, the mother completely changed their behaviour. She had felt sad about separating them, but they desperately needed their own space. Just a few hours a week apart meant that they stopped competing for attention (and being so wild) at home for the rest of the time. The difference was dramatic, she said.

  4. Iota - that's really interesting. My sis-in-law also has identical girls and what they've done is have them in nursery each two days a week. One day together and one day apart so that each gets a whole day at home with Mummy. Seems to work brilliantly and definitely something I've considered (school permitting etc etc) so interesting to know that it works for others too.

    And the madhouse - well done! Calling them the "twins" definitely out... (there's another post in there I think!)


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