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I pondered this as I stood on the scales this morning.Because I'm really not sure it is. Or at least I'm really not sure I know anyone, anyone female at least, who has what I'd call a healthy relationship with food.
By which I mean someone who eats what they like, when they like, within healthy parameters, and feels no guilt, worry or obsession about it.
Are you out there? Someone? Anyone?
Because I don't. And I always thought I did. From the outside you'd think I did. I'm 5'4", size 10/12 (although at around 10 stone 4lb, I'm also technially overweight if you believe in BMIs, which I don't). I exercise regularly. I cook from scratch, always. I eat, mostly, my five a day. I also have a very sweet tooth, and have never knowingly said no to a cake. I'd rather give up alcohol than pudding.
If you met me, if you looked at me in the street, I think you'd think I was mostly unconcerned about food; that I enjoyed eating it, but otherwise didn't give it much thought.
Well, I'm afraid that's nonsense.
A secret. I get on the scales every day. I always used to think that was fine. It's just a number, right? But it's not when it puts you in a good (or bad) mood for the rest of the day. Or when you realise that I look upon the nights when B is away as opportunities to go on a speedy crash diet in advance of cooking excessively when he's back. Or when you factor in that the sole purpose of the exercise, for me, is to remain in control of the numbers on the scales.
That's not healthy, really, is it?
It's about body image, of course. As I said, I'm ok, body wise. I'm not stopping traffic, but for a mother of four, I don't think I do too badly. When I think about it objectively, I think I'm ok. The only person who looks at me naked (of the over six variety, anyway) thinks I'm (his words) "delicious".Another secret. I don't believe him.
When I look in the mirror, I see, objectively, a thirty-five year old woman of average build, who's had four children. For B, that's perfect. For me, that's not good enough. And if I don't think I'm good enough, slim enough, toned enough, I don't see how he can.
I don't want to get into why that is. I don't want to start talking about women's magazines, and the porn industry and the objectification of women and the patriarchy. Or how I worry about what any or all of the above might do to my daughters, because I don't have the answers and I don't, honestly, think there are any.
But I do think, if I am feeling like this, is there anyone out there who isn't? And if so, what's your secret?
I think I do. Build wise I seem similar to you, and though I keep intending to go cycling more often, I don't really think about food too much. I'd always keep alcohol over puddings though!
ReplyDeleteNot sure I've any advice to offer, sorry. Though we don't own a set of scales, and that possibly helps.
I was bigger during my teens and lost a load of weight in my early twenties (2 stone - taking me from a big size 14 to a small size 12, so not a huge difference really) but I think some of it is fear of going back, even ten plus years later.
DeletePlus years of watching my mother yo yo diet. And then we get into the good example for my children thing.... aaaaaaaaaaaargh!
You sound like me, cake/chocolate/pudding over wine. I do exercise but I have a love hate relationship with it. I don't eat massive portions except when it come sto cake/chocolate/pudding and I can be a real pig. I have just heard about Zlimm123 and am hoping that is going to change my relationship with food. It's a programme that teaches you to eat mindfully and I am hoping it is going to work for me, especially because it's free at the moment (which always helps!). Good luck! :0)
ReplyDeleteThe only problem with that is it means actually admitting to myself (which arguably this post has already done...) that something needs changing.
DeleteAm I really ready for that?!
ps just been over to yours and wanted to rant about the unnecessary rip off that is the breastfeeding doll (why am I surprised?!) but can't find a way of commenting... Maybe it's just me, but thought you should know.
DeleteI think you are right and that you have done the admitting already. Give it a go. It can't hurt. You might surprise yourself. I know exactly what you mean though about not wanting your children to have hang ups about food and diet. Good luck. Keira x
ReplyDeleteps Thanks for the tip off about my blog, I will check the settings.
This is one of those occasions when what was supposed to be general chit chat has become rather confessional isn't it?!
DeleteThank you though.
Hector. My 16-week puppy. He eats as much as he can, whenever he can, as fast as he can, and doesn't worry about his weight, his appearance, his long-term health. He doesn't have alcohol or cake, but he doesn't miss them. His secret? To have no choice in the matter.
ReplyDeleteNah. I like choice... Chocolate cake or victoria sponge? Run or zumba??
DeleteThrow your scales away.now. go on. Best advice I was ever given. By a man actually. He had numerous teenagers at the time. He was right. It changes things. If you don't believe me, try it.
ReplyDeleteThis is where I start to sound neurotic.
DeleteI basically have no body image. I can't see myself - hence why I needed other people to tell me what to wear to B's party. I can't look at myself objectively.
This has an upside - I generally thinik I look ok, whatever I actually look like (apart from at certain times of the month when hypercriticism oozes from every pore) - but also a downside - I could genuinely put on a stone and only notice when none of my clothes fit.
And that thought really (really) frightens me...
I 100% agree with Kelloggs Ville. Ditch the scales. For me it's def more about feeling in shape. Not that workout time comes easy when you have 4 kids but I try to do some type of exercise once or twice a week and when I do it always makes me feel better.
ReplyDeleteBetter or exhausted! But yes, I do agree really. Not sure I'm going to do it yet though (see above)....By the time they're teenagers though I promise.
DeleteI'm reading this nearly a year late but hey, here I am! I have never been on a diet. I don't weigh myself but a few times a year just for giggles and to compare numbers with my husband. I eat what I want when I want and enjoy it. I don't deliberately excercise.
ReplyDeleteThe secrets - I don't much care for more than a slice of cake or pie at a time, or a couple of cookies a day. Too many sweets make my heart race, probably because I'm not used to them. I stay active every day. It used to be taking my dog out for a walk, lifting boxes of files at my law firm job, and now it is playing whatever games my 2 year old likes. I don't sit on my bottom much, much less than I'd like to honestly, and I barely get 8 hours of sleep a night. I also have a couple beers when the day is done to unwind.
If my dress slacks are loose come Monday morning, I eat a little more during the week, and if they are a bit snug I eat a little less. At 5'5" and 145 lbs. I'm technically overweight but I don't care, and people are always complimenting me on losing the 'baby weight'.
Good luck. I hope this helps! Candace