Tuesday, 8 December 2009

I love you Mummy...

... and I don't want Daddy.

L is going through a phase.  And it's a phase that's making all of us miserable (including S&A who don't like crossness and crying - who does?).

To put it simply: she doesn't want Daddy. Ever.

The other morning, when we woke up, B was first in to her room.  L took one look at him, screamed "Go away! I want mummy!" and slapped him in the face. This is not an isolated incident.

Let me put this into context.  B is an awesome father. A friend of mine was telling me this morning about something she'd read in a (nameless, sorry, I didn't catch a name) blog about whether you married a good husband or a good father. I'm either really lucky or really good at choosing, because I got both. B is amazing. he's hands-on, patient (mostly) and prepared to be climbed on, puked on, and generally run ragged.  Even better, he works from home, so he's here all the time.

But L doesn't want him.  In the end I refused to come downstairs until she decided to be nice to Daddy, and eventually that worked. But it's horrid. I don't like being cross with her; she can't, surely, like screaming and shouting; and it's really, unbelievably, hurtful for B who utterly adores her.  It's also knackering for me, because guess who has to put on all the pairs of shoes, get all the cups of milk, read all the stories, fetch all the toys that she's left elsewhere, push all the pushchairs and, of course, empty all the potties...?

I realise it's just, as I said, a phase, and somehow I found it heartening to discover during a whingy phone call that my friend LC is going through the same thing with her daughter, so it's clearly not just us.  But this really isn't one that I, or B, want, or have the heart, to wait out.

ps. I started this yesterday, and never got round to posting it.  Of course last night, she and B were absolutely best of friends.  Just by force of circumstance he ended up doing her bath while I was with A&S, and they had a wonderful time during that, and stories and into bed.  I heaved a huge sigh of relief, only to wake up to her demanding Mummy again this morning....


  1. I know it will come as no comfort, but MiniMad was always like this and then when I was ill he became a daddys boy. Now they just dont are who does things!!!

  2. Bless you. Although it must be heart breaking for both of you this will definitely be just a phase and soon enough she'll be a Daddy's girl all over again x

  3. I know it's little consolation but they do grow out of it. Just think, when decides she wants daddy instead, youcan use it to your advantage and get some well earned rest.

  4. I have this in my house but suprisingly only when I am there. DH has no job so is at home with youngest during the day but when I turn up its all Mummy Mummy Mummy and she won't even look at dh. I think she will grow out of it but until then I think we have to dig our heels in and let her be with Daddy for a bit too!

  5. It's funny - I almost did a post about this exact same thing recently. We're going through it too - with our 3 year-old. The thing is, my husband is away a lot of the time and while he's away she has started doing it to me - 'I don't love you Mummy' (hitting me, refusing to cuddle me, etc) - 'I just want Papa'. It's really got me down. But then when my husband has come home she'd turned it around and been horrible to him instead. I relly don't know what the answer is - but if you find it - please can you come and tell me? xxx

  6. Maternal tales - thank you for your post. It's amazingly, selfishly, helpful to know that we're not alone. L's actually been better since I wrote the post (so maybe that helps!), but I think the only thing to do is keep telling yourself it's a phase, and waiting, and hoping for this phase to pass... Can't say I'm looking forward to my husband being away next week though now...

  7. Hi - ancient post, I know (I'm reading your archives from the beginning), but I just had to tell you that my husband and I still call our niece (now aged 11) 'Mummy do', as that's all she seemed to say in the early years!

    1. Hello and welcome and enjoy (?!). Actually lovely to have you - you'll see I've not been posting much recently so maybe a new reader (and something new to read?) will be the impetus I need....


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